Anger is a perfectly normal emotion, so why do many individuals feel the need to repress it? Many people see anger as something bad that should be hidden. This can be due to several reasons, such as early family experiences or social conditioning. Anger is neither good nor bad, but simply a function that is necessary to feel and express in the healthiest way you can.
It is important to note that repressing something does not make it go away. People who internalize anger hold it in their bodies and psyche. If you are unconsciously suppressing anger, it is likely that it is manifesting in different ways. This is not beneficial, and it should be addressed.
Psychoanalysts have long-since known that when anger is repressed, it often can turn into depression. Those who have this tendency find themselves feeling sad about everything when it is actually deep-rooted anger about something specific. A common defense mechanism resulting from this is identifying with the aggressor. If a person was abused or bullied in their childhood, a part of their psyche might reflect the aggressor’s voice, perpetuating the abuse internally. In other words, they might have a harsh inner voice that constantly belittles them, just like the aggressors in their childhood did.
Feeling as though anger is a shameful thing that should be repressed is usually a learned notion. Whether it is in school, from family, or from religion, it’s likely that individuals with repressed anger learned it from somewhere in their childhood environment. These individuals might become afraid of the power of their own fury, so when anger does emerge, they feel an intense conflict internally. This often leads them to switch the focus onto other people’s needs instead of their own. They want to avoid any conflict, so they try to be the peacemaker or listeners.
Paranoia is a less spoken about symptom of repressed anger, but it is possible. When someone is holding anger inside of their psyche, it can lead to outward projection. Instead of discussing why they’re feeling enraged, they project the feelings onto other people and perceive hostility towards themselves when there is none. This leads to trust issues and fear that asserting themselves will lead others to retaliate and punish them.
A quieter manifestation of repressed rage is self-righteousness. Repressed anger mixed with perfectionism or obsessive-compulsive behaviors could present itself in this way. A person may become highly critical of themselves and others with unrealistic standards. Individuals who are highly perfectionistic can bottle up resentment for two reasons. Firstly, self-hate accumulates due to being unable to meet unrealistic standards set for themselves. Second, other people’s sloppiness or lack of ethics. They dedicate so much time and energy into doing what they deem is the right thing to an incredibly high standard, it can feel frustrating that others get away with not measuring up to their standards. This specific kind of repressed rage manifestation does not appear angry most of the time. Instead, these individuals come off as overly civilized and tense.
Lastly, passive-aggressiveness often involves withholding behaviors. Naturally, repressed anger can likely present itself in this way. Passive-aggressive people might make sarcastic remarks, stubbornly refuse to cooperate with any request or give their partners a cold shoulder. This type of anger can cause damage to relationships in a quieter, more gradual way.
Anger is a natural emotion for humans to experience. Learning to notice and process the message this emotion is trying to send us is extremely beneficial. Reinstating boundaries and fighting for your rights can be emphasized through assertive anger. Identifying repressed anger is difficult, but necessary. If you are struggling to recognize where these buried feelings are coming from, reach out to a mental health professional for some assistance.