The Benefit of Prioritizing the Happiness of Others

In Western-culture, striving for happiness is often seen as a self-oriented mission often involving personal goals. However, according to a series of five studies published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, trying to make others happy makes us happier than trying to make ourselves happy. Doing nice things for others is beneficial for you because it fulfills a psychological need for connection with others, even if you do not know that person.

These studies were conducted by Liudmila Titova and Kennon M. Sheldon, and they were mainly conducted among university students in the Mid-Western United States. The researchers wanted to understand whether participants would report a greater boost in their mental states after trying to make another person happy, compared how they felt after trying to make themselves happy.

Initially, they asked students to recall a time that they did something to make someone else happy. Next, they were asked to recall a time when they did something to make themselves happy. When comparing the experiences, they recalled feeling a greater level of happiness during the act of making someone else happy rather than themselves.

A second study continued to provide evidence that the social interaction involved in assisting someone else was not driving the effect of the other-focused activity. During the experiment, participants were asked to do something to make another person happy, and they later reported a greater level of happiness than the participants that were asked to either socialize or do something to make themselves happy.

In another study, researchers were curious if people would feel better when they tried to make someone else happy, or when someone else tried to make them happy. It was discovered that still, the greatest level of happiness was when the participants were trying to make someone else happy.

In their last experiment, the researchers found that this feeling occurs even when the person who they are attempting to make happy is a complete stranger. Random individuals on the street were given two quarters and randomly assigned to one of the four following options. Either they were told to either keep the change as a reward, put the change in their parking meters, put the change in a stranger’s meter, or put the change in a stranger’s meter along with a note explaining they did this. Participants reported the highest well-being when they put money in the stranger’s meter with no note.

These studies all point to a psychological mechanism for why gracious behavior increases levels of happiness. Basic psychological need to feel connected to others mediated the effect of the other-focused activity in all of the studies. Feeling more connected to others tended to leave the participants happier than doing things for themselves.

Titova and Sheldon explain that there are a few limitations to their research. “It would be beneficial to examine the effect in a full actor-partner model, where both participants have a chance to do something to improve mood and happiness of one another,” the study authors suggest. Additionally, they say it would be interesting for future studies to examine the possible long-term effects of trying to make others happy, exploring how it measures up as “an overall life-strategy.”

Improving Executive Functioning Skills

Executive functioning skills include aspects such as managing emotions, behaviors, focusing your attention, and thinking flexibility. This skillset helps with several important tasks, including handling changes, shifting between tasks, and filtering out distractions. These life skills are crucial, and they are associated with things like health, economic status, and higher achievement. So, how can they be improved? An article provided by J. Stuart Ablon Ph.D. for Psychology Today describes how. 

Similar to many other skills, executive functioning (EF) skills  get better the more you practice. However, if you stop practicing, you might lose the things you previously learned. Research has proven that practice must be challenging in order to keep the capabilities fine-tuned, and relying on external rewards to motivate yourself to practice actually causes a decline in EF performance. 

Unfortunately, executive functioning skills do not generalize very easily. This means that when you are practicing these skills in artificial circumstances, they might not transfer over to real life scenarios. However, life typically does give us plenty of practice at solving complex problems. Skill-building is changing the brain, so repetition is necessary, without hammering away too much or the brain will stop responding. Using issues as they arise in your life as practice for building skills allows for new opportunities spaced through the day or week. 

Collaborative problem solving (CPS) is a very beneficial way to practice EF. It helps by allowing you to use EF skills through natural attempts at problem-solving in your own life. Teachers, mentors, managers, and parents can use the three components of the CPS process to tackle problems throughout the day. When you are using CPS, resist using motivators to solve problems. If someone is struggling to handle a situation well, the issue is likely skill instead of will. Incentives do not teach skills, but problem-solving practice does. 

Previous research illustrates that CPS builds neurocognitive skills, especially EF skills. Youth Villages, led by Drs. Lu Wang and Alisha Pollastri, decided to put this notion to the empirical test in a study. The goal was to observe whether in-home CPS improved EF skills over time by looking at reports given by youth, caregiver, and staff reports and administering objective, talent-based neuropsychological tests. 

CPS was associated with building young people’s overall EF skills, especially flexible thinking, working memory skills, and attention. This team also wanted to understand which factors could predict the observed changes, and they discovered that the more caretakers embraced the philosophy of CPS, the more skill growth thrived, which resulted in better behaviors. 

These discoveries gave empirical validation of the theory of change behind the CPS approach. Behavior is determined by skill, not will. Shift your thinking to understand this and focus on the idea of problem-solving instead of relying on incentive. As EF skills improve, better behavior emerges. 

Meet Griselda Martinez, LMFT

Our team at Pinnacle Counseling and Testing Center is so excited to introduce our new clinician, Griselda Martinez! Below, we have conducted an interview to help you get to know more about her.

What made you want to be a therapist?

I was a mentor to teens at church from a very young age, and became passionate about helping others. 

What is your favorite part about being a therapist?

My favorite part of being a therapist is seeing my client's on my next session and them telling me they worked on their goals and practiced their coping skills, and then being surprised that "it worked." I love that! 

What accomplishment are you most proud of?

Having the opportunity to teach as an adjunct professor at Point Loma Nazarene University for a couple of summer sessions. 

What is one goal you’d like to accomplish that you haven’t yet?

I would love to write a Parenting Book.

What is your favorite attribute about yourself?

I love that I am open to learning new things, even, when they may seem a little scary and out of my comfort zone. 

If you had to describe yourself using three words, what would they be?

Friendly, Compassionate, and Adventurous.

If you could pick up a new skill in an instant, what would it be?

Snowboarding, it's a difficult skill to learn.

Favorite hobby?

The GYM, Crossfit

Favorite place you have traveled?

 Machu Pichu,  Peru

If you could visit anywhere in the world that you have not been to yet, where would it be?

Iguazu Falls, Brazil

What’s something you couldn’t live without?

My friends and family, they are the best!

How Repressed Anger Might Present Itself

Anger is a perfectly normal emotion, so why do many individuals feel the need to repress it? Many people see anger as something bad that should be hidden. This can be due to several reasons, such as early family experiences or social conditioning. Anger is neither good nor bad, but simply a function that is necessary to feel and express in the healthiest way you can.

It is important to note that repressing something does not make it go away. People who internalize anger hold it in their bodies and psyche. If you are unconsciously suppressing anger, it is likely that it is manifesting in different ways. This is not beneficial, and it should be addressed.

Psychoanalysts have long-since known that when anger is repressed, it often can turn into depression. Those who have this tendency find themselves feeling sad about everything when it is actually deep-rooted anger about something specific. A common defense mechanism resulting from this is identifying with the aggressor. If a person was abused or bullied in their childhood, a part of their psyche might reflect the aggressor’s voice, perpetuating the abuse internally. In other words, they might have a harsh inner voice that constantly belittles them, just like the aggressors in their childhood did. 

Feeling as though anger is a shameful thing that should be repressed is usually a learned notion. Whether it is in school, from family, or from religion, it’s likely that individuals with repressed anger learned it from somewhere in their childhood environment. These individuals might become afraid of the power of their own fury, so when anger does emerge, they feel an intense conflict internally. This often leads them to switch the focus onto other people’s needs instead of their own. They want to avoid any conflict, so they try to be the peacemaker or listeners.

Paranoia is a less spoken about symptom of repressed anger, but it is possible. When someone is holding anger inside of their psyche, it can lead to outward projection. Instead of discussing why they’re feeling enraged, they project the feelings onto other people and perceive hostility towards themselves when there is none. This leads to trust issues and fear that asserting themselves will lead others to retaliate and punish them. 

A quieter manifestation of repressed rage is self-righteousness. Repressed anger mixed with perfectionism or obsessive-compulsive behaviors could present itself in this way. A person may become highly critical of themselves and others with unrealistic standards. Individuals who are highly perfectionistic can bottle up resentment for two reasons. Firstly, self-hate accumulates due to being unable to meet unrealistic standards set for themselves. Second, other people’s sloppiness or lack of ethics. They dedicate so much time and energy into doing what they deem is the right thing to an incredibly high standard, it can feel frustrating that others get away with not measuring up to their standards. This specific kind of repressed rage manifestation does not appear angry most of the time. Instead, these individuals come off as overly civilized and tense.

Lastly, passive-aggressiveness often involves withholding behaviors. Naturally, repressed anger can likely present itself in this way. Passive-aggressive people might make sarcastic remarks, stubbornly refuse to cooperate with any request or give their partners a cold shoulder. This type of anger can cause damage to relationships in a quieter, more gradual way.

Anger is a natural emotion for humans to experience. Learning to notice and process the message this emotion is trying to send us is extremely beneficial. Reinstating boundaries and fighting for your rights can be emphasized through assertive anger. Identifying repressed anger is difficult, but necessary. If you are struggling to recognize where these buried feelings are coming from, reach out to a mental health professional for some assistance. 

How Social Isolation Relates to Social Perception and Emotion Regulation

New discoveries published in the Journal of Research in Personality provide evidence that social isolation is associated with reduced social perception and emotion recognition skills. In this study, it is explained that social cognitive capacity can predict objective isolation, but not feelings of loneliness. 

Loneliness has become an increasingly recognized problem in society, especially after the last year. Research has been done on loneliness, and it has been proven through population studies that loneliness has a higher impact on mortality rates than obesity and hypertension. It is important to note that the feeling of seclusion is mainly driven by an individual’s perception of social relationships, instead of objective observations about social dynamics. Any relationship may be described in two vastly different ways by both people because of the differences in perception. 

This explains how people can feel lonely despite having friends and other social ties. Loneliness can be linked to objective social isolation, but perception can greatly warp this and create feelings that do not consider objective facts. Cognitive processes play an important role in your evaluation of social relationships. Therefore, it is important to examine the subjective and objective social isolation, as well as cognitive processes that underlie processing and interpretation of the information you receive in social settings. 

In the study provided by the Journal of Research in Personality, two hundred and fifty-two individuals between the ages of eighteen and fifty with no history of psychiatric or neurological disorders were asked to complete assessments of objective loneliness and objective social isolation. The researchers measured objective social isolation by asking the participants the number of relatives that they were in regular contact with, could seek help from, and could confide in. Subjective loneliness was measured by asking the individuals the extent that they agreed with statements like “No one actually knows me well” and “I feel isolated from other people.” There were also multiple validated tests of social cognitive capacity that were implemented, such as the ability to recognize other people’s emotional states or the ability to infer another person's state of mind.

Through this experiment, it was discovered that individuals with a higher level of objective social isolation tended to show less social cognitive capacity. However, this did not apply to subjective feelings of loneliness. Essentially, social perception and emotion recognition was associated with objective social isolation, but not loneliness. The tendency to assign hostile intentions in ambiguous social situations was associated with both objective social isolation and loneliness.

Significantly more research is needed on the associations between social cognitive abilities and social isolation. Study author Łukasz Okruszek explains, “While we have shown which cognitive mechanisms are linked with loneliness and objective social isolation, the trajectories linking these findings with health outcomes observed in lonely and isolated individuals are still to be explored. Previous studies have found that structural and functional abnormalities may be observed in lonely individuals in key brain structures that are involved in the processing of social information.”

Overall, loneliness is a public health challenge. Since the isolation due to the COVID-19 pandemic, it has become an even more prevalent issue. It is incredibly important to understand how loneliness affects both health and overall quality of life. This research is a great start to broaden the understanding of this emotion. 

How Anxiety Is Related to a Warped Perception of Breathing

Anxiety is one of the most common mental health disorders. Since the pandemic, there has been a surge of cases. Even if you do not experience anxiety firsthand, it is likely that you have a loved one that does. According to recent studies, it has been discovered that anxiety is heavily related to a warped perception of the body’s own internal states. New research has been published in the journal Neuron, and it discusses the relationship between anxiety and the perception of breathing.

In the study from Neuron, they started with thirty individuals with low anxiety levels, and thirty individuals with moderate anxiety levels. The participants were requested to do a scientific questionnaire while the researchers used devices to create different levels of resistance to breathing. During one of the tasks an fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging) to record brain activity. 

For individuals with moderate anxiety, they reported breathing-related catastrophizing significantly more than the group with lower anxiety levels. Basically, they became afraid that the feeling of breathlessness would get worse. The group who experienced higher anxiety also showed less of a “positive-minded” interoceptive awareness. This means that they were more likely to get distracted by their own breath, and also it is harder for them to pinpoint where tension is coming from within their bodies. 

The researchers also discovered that there were notable differences between the moderate and low anxiety groups’ performance on breathing tasks. The group with higher levels of anxiety were less sensitive when it came to changes in resistance to their breathing. Their brain actually displayed altered activity when they were anticipating the changes in breathing resistance. 

The researchers concluded that people with higher levels of anxiety have altered perceptions of their own breathing, compared to those who experience less anxiety. They were actually less sensitive to changes in their breathing, but they have a reduced insight on how well they were able to perceive their body generally. It was also found that anxious individuals have altered brain activity when they were anticipating what will happen to their breathing in the future. 

These results offer some insight into how the communication between brain and body can start to be warped with anxiety. However, not all research can be absolutely perfect. The study author, Olivia Harrison, makes it clear that these results can’t distinguish whether anxiety causes the changing in breathing perceptions, or if the differences in breathing perception could contribute to different levels of anxiety. This is what is known as a “cross-sectional study”, which means that it can only display that there are differences in breathing perceptions associated with different anxiety levels. 

The study, “Interoception of breathing and its relationship with anxiety“, was authored by Olivia K. Harrison, Laura Kochli, Stephanie Marino, Roger Luechinger, 

How to Effectively Use Coping Skills

Anxiety can act up in strange ways. Sometimes when you are attempting to make this feeling go away, it actually makes it flare up. This could be because you are applying coping skills incorrectly. If you tell your brain to calm down, it will register that something is wrong. Essentially, the attempt to calm down the situation is misinterpreted as an indicator of danger. In an article provided by Psychology Today, ​​Ben Eckstein, LCSW explains how you can use coping skills the correct way.

Logically, the brain is doing its best with the information provided. Why would you be telling yourself to calm down when there is no danger? Obviously, you know anxiety can’t hurt you, but these self-soothing techniques unfortunately alert your brain. The more this feeling is fought, the worse it feels. The more you tell yourself that everything is okay, the more your brain panics over the perceived threat. 

There is a solution to this phenomenon. The key is to allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel so that you can demonstrate to your brain that the anxiety is a false alarm. Getting into this habit allows you to recalibrate your brain’s alarm system. You will learn that you are capable.

Anxiety does not need to be controlled. This is an interesting thing to accept considering it is such an uncomfortable thing to experience. Teach your brain that you are capable of getting through it. If you are willing to experience discomfort, you are learning that you have the capacity to get through anxiety without bending your life in order to avoid it at all costs. 

Coping skills are wonderful in theory, but telling yourself that everything is going to be okay causes the opposite effect internally. Remember that the goal is not to control something that is generally uncontrollable. Feelings will happen no matter what, and anxiety is included in this. The goal is instead to learn effective ways for you personally to respond to your anxiety. 

Many coping techniques allow you to still feel your feelings, while not pushing them away. Try writing your thoughts down in a journal in order to process your feelings while they are happening. Practicing mindfulness can also be helpful in reducing the inflated stress that anxiety tends to bring. These are a few examples of effective skills, but not everything is going to work for everyone. Try skills that do not immediately alert your brain of danger, but instead ease the feelings as they are happening. 

The willingness to persist in the middle of uncomfortable emotions simply teaches your brain that you can get through them. You absolutely have the capacity to get through anxious moments, it’s just about teaching your brain this fact. Once you start learning you can get through it, the whole process of anxiety spiraling will be significantly less severe. 

Managing the Need to Control Situations

If you are an anxious person, feeling out of control of your situation could be something that causes you excess stress. You might constantly be seeking ways to be in control of every scenario you are in in order to feel calmer. This mindset is not healthy, and it’s also unrealistic to expect this whenever you feel yourself fall into a spiral of anxiety. Shifting your mindset regarding this issue is crucial when you are working on lowering your levels of anxiety. 

Instead of grasping for control of the situation you are in, remind yourself that you are only in control of your own response. You simply can’t control other people's responses, but how you proceed is your own choice. It is an impulse to blame others for the negative ways you might be feeling, but you can’t control the stress others put in your life. 

Try focusing on your own behaviors instead of other people’s responses. By putting the control back on yourself, you now have power over your own healing process. If you’re focusing your attention on others, you are draining your energy and putting an excess strain on your mental health.

Focusing on yourself will improve every relationship in your life. It might be scary taking the time to learn more about yourself and your own reactions, but this process will cause a positive shift in your relationships. Liking yourself, and understanding yourself, allows room for healthier relationships. When you are happy with yourself, you can analyze your relationships and decide who is beneficial for your mental health, and who is not.

You only have control over yourself, not over the world or every circumstance you find yourself in. So many instances in your life are outside of your control, such as your parents, the area you are from, and your socioeconomic background. As you grow, remember that working through trauma is important in order to accept your circumstances and learn how to proceed in a healthy way. 

A lot of your anxiety might stem from wishing things were different instead of being grateful for what you have. Do not confuse this with forcing toxic positivity. Shifting your mindset away from negativity should come naturally from focusing on yourself, as opposed to focusing on others. Still allow yourself to feel however you need to feel, while also working to consciously be grateful and not allowing the actions of others to deeply hinder your mental health.

When you find yourself in a situation that is provoking your anxiety, ask yourself “How can I make this situation better for myself?” This is incredibly different than asking yourself “How do I get this person to stop stressing me out?” The solution is within yourself, not other people. This can be an overwhelming concept initially, but it should also feel empowering. You’re in control of yourself, and this reminder allows you to have your power back. 

The Importance of Creating Boundaries

Setting boundaries is key for every relationship in your life. Without them, you might easily find yourself getting burnt out, spending more money than you have, or engaging in arguments with loved ones. Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D. provides an article via Psychology Today where she shares the importance of creating boundaries in your life.

There are many different types of boundaries. Financial boundaries might include letting your friend know that you don’t have the money to go out to lunch, so you can’t make the plans they’ve laid out. Physical boundaries can include you requesting that someone does not get so close to you. Ethical boundaries might include you letting your sibling know that you are not comfortable lying for them, so therefore you won't do it.

Communication is key when you are establishing boundaries with those around you. Others will not know your comfort levels in situations if you are not directly telling them. It might feel scary to be direct with your needs, but allowing your feelings to go unnoticed will be taxing on your mental health. Remind yourself that it is not impolite to let those surrounding you know your boundaries. 

This concept might take practice. Determining your personal boundaries should take self-reflection and time. It might be helpful for you to step outside of a situation and really analyze the best way to communicate in the future. When you’re ready to share, the following “I-statements” can be helpful to remember:

I have a problem when...

I really don’t want to...

I really do not have time for...

I need you to…

I actually do mind if or when...

This is hard for me to say, but...

I feel uncomfortable with…

It’s important to me that…

Clear and precise sentiments are incredibly important. The aforementioned statements allow you to take ownership of your needs without sending someone on the defensive or offensive. There is nothing wrong with creating firm boundaries, and allowing others to understand this information about you creates overall healthier relationships. Be aware of those who do not regard your needs, because those relationships are not beneficial to keep in your life. Creating boundaries is crucial for your mental space, and for your connections with others. 

Why Extremely Low Levels of Neuroticism Can Be a Problem

Neuroticism is a term used in psychology to describe a fundamental personality trait. Everyone has levels of neuroticism, but individuals with high scores for neuroticism are more likely to be moody, and to experience feelings such as: anxiety, worry, fear, anger, frustration, envy, jealousy, guilt, depression, and loneliness. Studies have shown that people with high scores on the neuroticism index are thought to be at risk of developing common mental disorders (mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and substance abuse disorders). However, it has been discovered that extremely low levels of neuroticism paired with some other traits and character structures might also not be ideal. In an article provided by Psychology Today, Gregg Henriques Ph.D. shared his theories about this topic.

You are likely familiar with highly neurotic individuals. Those who experience high levels of anxiety, tension, and tend to be withdrawn. People with low levels of neuroticism are the opposite of this. They can be described as confident, content, and stable. This is the state that is best to be in. However, when an individual lacks even the slightest level of neuroticism, it can lead to impulsive behaviors that can be extremely dangerous.

When combined with low conscientiousness and some antisocial attitudes, low neuroticism has proven to be extremely problematic. Reported instances of dangerous levels of boredom have led individuals to try illegal substances, or attempt to take their own life. In one extreme case reported by Gregg Henriques Ph.D., after an individual put themself in an extremely dangerous and chaotic situation, they told Henriques that the only word that came to mind in the direct aftermath was “cool.”

Most cases would likely not be as extreme as this example, but this does indicate that very low levels of neuroticism can lead to serious problems. There are notable similarities between someone with low neuroticism, and a person who has no socioemotional anxiety combined with other character elements. Both have the potential to result in impulsive, damaging behaviors due to the lack of basic fear of dangerous scenarios.

More thorough research must be done to prove Henriques’ theory, but it is important to note his findings thus far. Low neuroticism is typically ideal, but too low can lead to impulsiveness and a lack of regard for the consequences of your actions. Be sure to contact a mental health professional if you find yourself experiencing too much, or far too little, neuroticism in order to be in the healthiest mindset possible.

The Link Between Childhood Exercise and Adulthood Inhibition Control

Encouraging children and adolescents to be active is important, but new research has unveiled a benefit you might not have heard about. A study provided by NeuroImage shows that exercise prior to entering junior high school allows for a higher likelihood of having cognitive control as an adult. The link is displayed by changes in neuron activity, which includes increased cortical thickness and efficiency, as well as strengthened inter-hemispheric connectivity.

Inhibitory control is a component of cognitive control. Inhibitory control is defined as “a cognitive process and more specifically, an executive function – that permits an individual to inhibit their impulses and natural, habitual, or dominant behavioral responses to stimuli in order to select a more appropriate behavior that is consistent with completing their goals.” Essentially, this function plays a crucial role in overriding impulse reactions that are not beneficial for you.

Implementing exercise has been proven to alter brain structure and functions in regions that play a role in cognitive control. These neural regions fully develop by the time you are 16. This explains why being active in your childhood and adolescent years could have a huge influence on response inhibition and its implicated neural systems in the long term.

214 participants were recruited from suburban Tokyo, and they were asked to fill out a questionnaire that inquired about their exercise during childhood and adulthood. Specifications included the age they started, period, frequency, and duration of the activities. The data was collected and organized by the developmental stage, such as childhood or early adolescence. They also were asked to answer questions about their current physical activities.

The researchers at the Tamagawa University Brain Science Institute found that childhood exercise did correlate to response inhibition later in life. This association was moderated by decreased structural and functional connectivity in the frontoparietal, cingulo-opercular, and default mode networks, as well as increased inter-hemispheric structural networks. Another important component that was accounted for was the greater cortical thickness and lesser dendritic arborization and density in these networks.

The associations between childhood exercise and response inhibition as an adult were unique to exercise habits in individuals younger than 12 years old. It was not noted in individuals who exercised after the age of 12. The researchers hypothesized that these findings suggest exercise in earlier years could contribute to improved cognitive function and long-term brain health.

The researchers have noted a few limitations to their study. The study was conducted using a historical cohort design, so causal inferences cannot be discovered from the observed positive link between childhood exercise and adulthood inhibitory control. A different explanation for this finding could be that those who had a better response inhibition happened to engage in exercise more regularly than others.

Another limitation noted for this research study was that exercise participation data was collected via a self-report questionnaire, so the accuracy of the information relied heavily on the individuals’ ability to recall information accurately. Lastly, the researchers could not decipher the extent to which the observed benefits of childhood exercise were associated with the physical activity itself, instead of other features of structured programs. This might include components such as routines and cognitive challenges.

This study offers insight that likely shows the positive link between childhood exercise and inhibition control. Childhood exercise has also been linked to many beneficial factors, such as lowering stress, improving overall physical health, and improving self-esteem. Overall, being active in childhood and adolescence is extremely beneficial, and it should be encouraged.

**The study, “Childhood exercise predicts response inhibition in later life via changes in brain connectivity and structure”, was authored by Toru Ishihara, Atsushi Miyazaki, Hiroki Tanaka, Takayuki Fujii, Muneyoshi Takahashi, Kuniyuki Nishina, Kei Kanari, Haruto Takagishi, and Tetsuya Matsuda.

Overcoming Social Anxiety

If you feel your anxiety rise when you are in a social setting, you are not alone. Social anxiety is a type of anxiety disorder that causes extreme fear in social settings. This feeling might make you feel highly self-conscious, which can cause a heightened feeling of stress when you are trying to socialize. In an article provided by Psychology Today, Loren Soeiro, Ph.D. ABPP discusses ways to overcome social anxiety.

Understanding social anxiety is important. This feeling arises when you feel as though attention is being drawn to your perceived flaws. It is a magnified perception of your insecurities regarding your appearance or your personality. You might constantly be feeling like your worst habits are about to be discovered by others, causing feelings of stress and anxiety to rise. These feelings might naturally make you want to escape and isolate yourself, but giving in to this urge will not be beneficial.

Coping skills to manage your social anxiety is great to seek out and learn. Make sure to identify the thoughts and expectations that might trigger your feelings of stress and shame. Ask yourself rhetorical questions, such as what exact circumstances are you most afraid of in a social situation? Who, exactly, do you think will judge you? What are you afraid they will say?

Once you’ve identified your triggers, you might be able to come up with a strategy to manage social experiences in a way that will bring you significantly less stress. Talk yourself through it in a compassionate and understanding way. Identify your avoidant tendencies, such as going on your phone, or helping clean up to avoid speaking to anyone. If you find yourself adopting these strategies, remind yourself that you are blocking yourself from growing. Note that clinical research has shown that being open about your flaws encourages other people to like you, not to laugh at you.

Before you dive into a social situation that is making you anxious, remember that these interactions are typically not nearly as challenging or dangerous as you’ve convinced yourself they will be. This mindset ultimately comes back to putting immense pressure on yourself and holding yourself to an unrealistic standard. Being a perfectionist to the point that you are hyper-critical of your personality is not healthy. Give yourself the room to make mistakes in social interactions without judgment. Awkward encounters happen. Do your best to relax, enjoy the moment, and be yourself.

Practicing Mindfulness Daily

Mindfulness is defined as “a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.” There are many techniques to practice mindfulness, such as deeply focusing on your breathing with your eyes closed, or taking the time to pay attention to all of your senses. The various methods to reach a mindful state should be practiced often, especially when you are feeling heightened feelings of anxiety. Barton Goldsmith Ph.D. has discussed why practicing mindfulness daily can benefit your life in an article provided by PsychologyToday.

Simple tasks can help you practice mindfulness. Working in your garden, sketching quietly, or crocheting are all simple activities that might bring you a sense of peace. They can be considered mindful activities, due to the fact that they each require all your attention in the moment and can improve different parts of your inner being. 

Each of the aforementioned tasks is wonderful when you are looking to practice mindfulness, but it is important to note how even simpler tasks can also achieve this result. Something as simple as sitting in your backyard, closing your eyes, and focusing on the sounds of nature for a few minutes can help ground you and bring you to the present moment. Finding what’s best for you can be immensely helpful for anxiety, because instead of spiraling over the unknown, you are consciously focused on the present moment.

Figure out what personally brings you a sense of calm. For some people, it might be running or bike riding. For others, it might be painting or sewing. All of these can be considered mindful activities if they bring you a sense of peace with yourself and what you are doing. Releasing your anxiety into a mindful activity will allow you to enjoy each day more.

Life can be stressful, and it’s sometimes difficult to not let these times send you into a spiral of anxiety. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions might come up, and then try completing a task that you are familiar with that will ground you and bring you to a state of mindfulness. Fighting your natural reactions to tumultuous experiences will only worsen these feelings. Accept the emotions, and then work to comfort and ground yourself. 

Mindfulness and balance are important to find within yourself. You don’t need to be meditating on a mountain in Tibet to achieve a mindful, balanced state. Simple activities that bring you peace are wonderful ways to release some of your stress and focus on the present moment. You do not need to seek out anything elaborate. Mindfulness can be practiced daily using simple methods that work for you.

Childhood Trauma's Effect on Adulthood

For decades, research has proven that adverse childhood experiences can predict several health problems as an adult, including anxiety, depression, and heart disease. It might be confusing trying to rationalize why events that occurred when you were a child can affect your health as an adult, but understanding the reasons why this is a natural occurrence for many individuals can help break the link between childhood trauma and adult health.

Dysregulated stress is central to the relationship between a turbulent childhood and adult health. Experiencing toxic stress in childhood can change the brain, biology, and even your sense of self into your adulthood if you do not properly address and process it. Trying to manage stress as an adult without addressing your past that is causing a maintained level of dysregulated stress is not productive.

The brain undergoes a huge growth spurt in the first three years of life. When you experience overwhelming stress in this period of life, it influences your brain to stay on high alert. During these years of significant growth, trauma registers in the underdeveloped left brain. Later, your more developed right brain will recall memories consciously with words and reason. The right brain oversees the non-verbal and non-conscious processing of memories, which imprints childhood memories. Even after the left brain has developed fully, the right brain continues to be dominant in the processing of traumatic memories due to the left brain’s tendency to check out when you’re under overwhelming stress.

Childhood trauma can also lead to physical ailments. Overwhelming stress can cause too much, or not enough, stress hormones. Cortisol is a major stress hormone that helps your body go into fight-or-flight mode, and it is generally helpful in short-term scenarios. Dysregulated levels of cortisol can be linked to obesity, elevated blood sugar, immune dysfunction, disrupted sleep and mood, and immune dysfunction.

Toxic childhood stress affects the adult’s brain and biology. Reducing the adverse effects of childhood trauma starts with regulating dysregulated pressure. It is crucial to bring stress flare-up levels within tolerable limits. This will allow your brain and body to restore your health. The regulation of stress also allows the brain regions that were pushed to the point of warping stress levels back on track. This includes the logical left brain and the areas that give you an integrated sense of self. This prepares your adult self to process the inner wounds accumulated during the first eighteen years of your life.

Understanding Anger

Anxiety is the feeling that you experience when you are experiencing a threat, whether it is real or just perceived. Anger is the sensation that arises when you can’t resolve the danger at hand. These two responses are deeply ingrained in every living being, and ultimately, they help sustain life. The presence of anger is often overlooked when discussing anxiety, but learning helpful tools to neutralize and lower this unpleasant result of anxiousness can be extremely helpful. In an article provided by PsychologyToday, David Hanscom MD dissects anger, and how to get a grasp on it.

The three main components that are analyzed here are output, your nervous system, and input. Your “output’ refers to your body’s neurochemical state. The ideal point to have your output at would be in a range that is neutral or relaxed, but anger is inevitable. As a human being, you are going to experience anger, but be careful to not direct this emotion into destructive behaviors by lashing out at those around you.

The state of your nervous system is greatly affected by prior programming, current circumstances, and how you are caring for your body itself. If you are sleeping less and your diet is unhealthy, your levels of inflammation will rise and it will compromise your coping skills. Daily stress can be overwhelming, and if your personal prior programming involves a difficult childhood, this can also add difficulty feeling safe, because you never knew what that was like.

There are two categories of input. These include “What are you choosing to put into your nervous system?” as well as “What are you holding onto from the past?”. The first step here is understanding your own personal input. Ask yourself what are the nature and effects of your ongoing input are. Once you gain some clarity, there are several strategies to change it. Keep in mind that this is a deeply personal process, and it takes time.

Your body’s chemistry looks a very specific way when you are angry. Your whole body, including your brain, is full of inflammatory markers. Your brain’s blood supply is diverted from your neocortex (thinking centers) to the lower centers that are meant mainly for basic survival. When you reach this state, thinking clearly or absorbing new information becomes impossible. Your output then becomes hypervigilant, which is the result of being trapped.

Anger is a powerful emotion. In fact, it is a huge component in the healing process. However, when you are angry as a coping mechanism to not experience the vulnerability of sadness, it can become toxic fast. This can cause you to lash out at others, and push those who are close to you away. Use anger as a tool when processing trauma, not a defense mechanism.

Overall, when anxiety is exasperated, anger is the body’s last-ditch effort at gaining control. Anger involves every cell in your body, and it is an inevitable feeling. Develop a “working relationship” with anger by understanding all the complex components of it, and learning to calm yourself by minimizing your time in a threatened state. Learn the best soothing techniques for yourself, and lower your reactivity. This will allow you to be able to feel anger healthily while staying rational and maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships.

How Empathy Can Reduce Loneliness

Since the pandemic started, feelings of loneliness have increased in general for many people. However, the rate of individuals experiencing loneliness has been estimated at one in five Americans for years, so understanding how to ease this unpleasant feeling is important. Empathy has been proven to help combat loneliness, and Geraldine K. Piorkowski Ph.D. describes exactly how in an article provided by PsychologyToday. 

Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Empathetic listening is a crucial relationship tool in general, but it is also a way to connect emotionally to others, which combats the feelings of isolation. When you are communicating with your loved ones, be sure to not only pay attention to what they are saying, but to their emotions, which are expressed typically in nonverbal behavior.

The use of smartphones and computers might be contributing to diminishing levels of empathy amongst the younger generations. Texting and phone calls becoming a primary form of communication may be causing young people to lack the practice of being an empathetic listener. In-person communications allows one to fully see someone’s body language and gestures. Over the pandemic, you probably experienced plenty of Zoom or Facetime calls. These platforms are useful tools, but they can't completely replace face-to-face communication. When you are speaking to an individual in person, there are many more occasions for empathy to develop through the practice of observing certain behaviors. 

Everyone wants to be understood. A toddler’s desire to learn to articulate is proof of this idea. The desire to be emotionally understood by others is basic human nature, so it only makes sense that being an empathetic communicator and listener is important when managing the relationships in your life. If you are actively empathizing with your loved ones, you will create deeper connections and this can help immensely when you are combating loneliness.

If you are struggling with loneliness, look into support groups. The idea of these groups is allowing everyone to feel understood, and less alone. The core idea is to have empathetic people empathizing with each other. Also, if you are feeling lonely, and you are on your smartphone or computer a lot, try to initiate more in person meetings when it is safe to do so. Listen and communicate with empathy for a deeper connection. If you take the necessary steps to reduce this unpleasant feeling, but it isn’t easing up, reach out to a mental health professional to discuss the emotions you are experiencing. 

Generally, empathy strengthens our compassion, sympathy, and consideration of others. It is an important component of being a human, and it can reduce the feelings of being alone. Practice empathetic listening and communicating to benefit your personal relationships, and to better your overall mental health.

Combatting Despair and Depression

Despair is defined as the complete loss or absence of hope. If you suffer from depression, it is likely this feeling might come up for you during times when your symptoms are flaring up. Despair and depression can both be worsened by loneliness and isolation, which has naturally been increased in the last year due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Since the pandemic began, an online survey by Mental Health America showed that over 80 percent of people scored with moderate to severe symptoms of depression. Hopelessness has been proven to affect overall physical and mental health, so learning to manage these feelings is crucial.

Constantly being told about the physical toll that depression can leave on you likely causes heightened stress, so dwelling on it is not necessary. Having courage in trying times is incredibly difficult, and finding the strength to continue by finding personal meaning is key. Whether it is work, hobbies, or personal relationships, nurturing these things can help you feel like you have purpose, which can decrease the feelings of despair.

Overwhelming levels of stress can make you feel backed into a corner, which might also exacerbate feelings of despair. It is important to realize that you still have the personal freedom to choose how you respond to any given situation, which can help give you a sense of control and peace. When you are analyzing how to respond, find the courage to heal and answer accordingly.

When you’re managing your levels of despair and depression, it is important to remember key ideas that can help you through these feelings. First, remember to meet yourself where you are. Unfortunately, depression is common. It affects millions of people, even if you don’t realize it. Every day with depression is different. It is crucial to take your mental health seriously, and remember that where you are in this moment is not where you will be forever.

Next, allow yourself to feel the negative feelings, but do this constructively. Allow yourself to have off days, but don’t stay in this state. Consider journaling about the experiences you’re having, but also feel free to document when your feelings lift too. Clearly seeing the ups and downs of your mental experiences can help promote self-healing and hope.

Lastly, remind yourself that today does not determine tomorrow. Your feelings today do not control your feelings tomorrow. If you were not as productive as you wanted to be today, that does not mean that tomorrow will be exactly the same. Give yourself patience to accept that some days are bad, and some days are amazing. Think of tomorrow as a fresh start. 

Despair and depression are complex and upsetting feelings, but remembering the points discussed above can help combat the negative emotions. Give yourself grace, and carry on. Find things that work for you, and do not put pressure on yourself to continue the practices that do not work. Most importantly, do not hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional if your feelings of depression and despair worsen or start feeling unmanageable.

Why "Catastrophizing" is Common in OCD

Individuals with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) engage in what psychologists refer to as “catastrophizing.” This phrase is used to describe the repeated mental simulation of unlikely catastrophic scenarios. Researchers have discovered that this phenomenon has to do with an individual’s warped perception of the realistic probability of certain events. A new paper published in the journal Clinical Psychological Science illustrates why people with OCD often partake in catastrophizing.

“OCD-related obsessions are largely organized around fears of a specific harmful consequence that compulsions are enacted to prevent,” said the researchers led by Christopher Hunt of the University of Minnesota. Nearly all common symptoms associated with the major OCD subtypes have two main attributes. First, the most feared situations for those with OCD are objectively catastrophic: the loss of housing, health, or loved ones. Second, the scenarios surrounding the events in question are highly unlikely.

In order to investigate the idea that improbable events are viewed as a possible scenarios for those with OCD, the researchers studied 78 university students. They first measured the participants’ levels of OCD by using the 18-item OCI-R questionnaire. This questionnaire measures an individual's overall levels of OCD.

Once this step was completed, it was then requested that the students play a video game where they were a farmer with the goal of harvesting crops in an environment that was not predictable. They had to make decisions in the game, like choosing between taking a short, dangerous road or a long, safe road to start planting crops. Negative events during the game caused the students to get a small electric shock to their wrist. Their expectations and reactions to negative scenarios were measured by analyzing their startle response and self-reported anxiety and threat-probability ratings that were requested at different points during the game.

Through this process, the researchers found that the participants that exhibited OCD symptoms were more avoidant of the lower probability negative outcomes in the game. They noted, “OCD did not confer a general tendency to avoid threat but, rather, a specific proclivity to avoid experimental analogues of improbable catastrophes.” It was also discovered that students with OCD showed an increased startle response to low probability negative events.

These results offer initial experimental support for the idea that “a variety of common OCD presentations involve concerns with improbable catastrophic consequences and further implicate a more general sensitivity toward improbable threat as a candidate deficit driving this phenomenon.” The researchers concluded that this study provides the first lab-based test of whether OCD is associated with an underlying sensitivity regarding unlikely catastrophic threats. The results illustrate that those with higher OCD symptoms were more avoidant of potential threats that were both improbable and highly aversive. 

Recall Versus Reality

If you struggle with anxiety, it is easier to understand when your reactions were inflated beyond what was warranted in the objective incident by looking back and analyzing the situation that triggered you. Your feelings are valid, but it is important for you to understand the reason you might feel inclined to respond to occurrences the way that you do. In an article provided by Forrest Talley Ph.D. for Psychology Today, possible ways to distinguish between if you are reacting from recall or the objective reality of the present moment are discussed.

Anxiety is often created by a perceived, not actual, threat. “Perceived” is the key word here, because your reaction to events can often be extremely warped and not entirely based on the actual events occurring. Your reaction can instead be influenced by the memory of traumatizing events, often from childhood. The triggering of these painful memories that are similar to current incidents may cause you to subconsciously bring up childhood emotions, which makes dealing with situations in adulthood much harder. This is known as recall, as opposed to reality. 

Reacting from recall can make anxiety flare, because it causes a heightened feeling of being unsafe or at risk. As a child, if you experienced certain situations when you were unsafe, it only makes sense that this could carry into your adult experience, if the past has not been properly worked through. Though you may feel at risk, remember that you are actually as safe as any other adult. 

When you are becoming anxious and can’t tell if you are reacting from reality or recall, ask yourself the following questions. Firstly, question if you are reacting to the memory of past events that feel familiar to the current situation, or if you are responding entirely to the present day situation. Next, think about what age you are in the memory that is actively triggering you. Then, ponder how you are wiser now compared to back then. Understand the options you had then, versus the options you have now. Lastly, think about if you are safe. 

So much of the anxiety you carry with you daily is displaced from the past and stored in your memory. Accepting that your childhood trauma is a thing of the past can be crucial when you are working to ease your anxiety as an adult. Recognizing when you are sliding back into recall is equally as important, and it can be key when you’re

Overcoming Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is exactly what it sounds like: Anxiety about separating. The level of this phenomenon has risen since the pandemic, and it is important to be aware of this. You might have struggled with these feelings since long before the lockdown, and if you feel that the last year has intensified the anxiety, learning how to manage it is extremely important. Whether it is the fear of separation from a child, a significant other, or any other kind of important relationship, it is important to learn to cope. In an article provided by PsychologyToday, F. Diane Barth L.C.S.W. illustrates ways to achieve this.

Be sure to prepare for separation. Be open and honest with yourself. It is okay if you are having contradictory feelings. If the people you are experiencing the anxiety from feel a different way than you do, make sure to listen and not feel defensive. It might be difficult, but it will help you feel more ready if you are honest with yourself and others. 

Take it in small steps. If possible, give yourself some brief and tolerable moments of separation so that you can manage longer ones. With children or pets, the more often you reunite after a shorter break, the easier it’ll be to understand for them that you will come back after longer time periods.

Stay in touch with your loved ones. Even short check-ins can have a big impact. Reminding someone who you might know is experiencing separation anxiety that you love and care about them can go a long way. Even a short and simple text when they’re on your mind can help ease stress.

Get involved in new activities and meet new people. Distract yourself as though you are a small child. Enjoying activities and new people outside of your loved ones does not mean you’re forgetting them. You are just learning to balance new dynamics, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Have patience with yourself and others. Sadness or anxiety regarding separation does not go away overnight. It might take time, and there is nothing wrong with that. You eventually will be able to find balance, and it’s okay if it is gradual. Learn to be okay with the process, and make sure to give yourself or your loved ones as much time as needed. 

Overall, one's capacity for attachment is as important as the ability to separate. Your body’s signals to be anxious over separation might indicate that you are deeply attached to a person, not that you are not independent enough. Verifying that your attachment is not toxic, and managing the sadness so it does not negatively impact your daily life is crucial. If separation anxiety is becoming debilitating for you, do not hesitate to seek professional help to assist you in finding your balance.